There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
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