Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
