Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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