I think I died a long time ago.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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