the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i love accidental penises.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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