If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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