Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
