She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
