Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
