I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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