I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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