i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
