This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
