I think im going to throw up on grandma
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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