I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
