Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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