I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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