Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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