Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
nutella sex= disaster
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
