he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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