So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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