I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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