u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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