I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
