things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
operation have a gay friend backfired
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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