im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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