call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Green mimosas i think yes
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
