i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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