Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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