i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
