Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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