Only a mothe r could love this liver
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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