White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
