i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
