I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
