I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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