my soul wont recognize me after tonight
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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