...so i touched it.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
