Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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