chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize