You're my little dorito
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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