lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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