yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I think I died a long time ago.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
