Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
