I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
