hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
