Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
