These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
