Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
