I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
