so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
