I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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