I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
