walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
ugly people sure do ruin things
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
