he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
