So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
