Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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