He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
my liver is dry heaving
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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