So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
