We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
