We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
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I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
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Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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