If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Holy sore nipples Batman
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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