You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
