I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
