my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
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