You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
