The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
