i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
