I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
