Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
