clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
