Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
where am i from again
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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