hell yes lets make some ravioli
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Less talking, more tequila
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
