I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
