Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
