Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
