I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
