I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
