the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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