Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
